Business is
changing. The experts sure seem to think so. Every day, some new article hypes
a brave new world of egalitarian openness and collaboration. That might be true
if you work for yourself. For the rest of us, it’s still a winner-take-all,
command-and-control world. Always has been, always will be. The experts may own
the language, but not reality. When leaders feel threatened or the ink runs
red, they rarely tap into their talent for solutions. More often, they cut
communication and withdraw behind closed doors. Corporate culture can overcome
many hurdles, but never human nature.
In reality,
business has changed little. Work still involves small victories and slow
progress, often ambiguous and rarely permanent. That said, what drives workers
has changed little too. Besides money, they want a voice. They dream of
receiving a fair shot to make a difference. And they long to feel special. And
all that starts with communication. These days, we’re taught that tone and body
language are the message. But words – and what they signify – matter
too. Over time, your character, competence, and caring may be revealed by your
actions. In a micro world, it is the right words used at the right moments that
spark conversations and build bridges between people.
Want to tap
into the deepest yearnings of your peers and employees? Consider sprinkling
these phrases into your daily conversations:
1) Thank You: Common
courtesy? Sure. But tell me this: When was the last time you forgot (or
rejected) gratitude? Whether given in private or public, a sincere ‘thanks’
creates goodwill. Don’t forget your mother’s advice: “Say please.” People are
always happier doing a favor than taking an order.
2) I Trust Your
Judgment: Translation:
“You have my permission. I believe in you. Now, go make it happen.” Feels
pretty uplifting to hear that, doesn’t it? And I’ll bet you’d do almost
anything to please someone who makes you feel that way. Your employees and peers
are no different.
3) I Don’t
Know: We don’t have
all the answers. And it scares us to death. That’s a perfect point to start a
dialogue…over facts and fears. Facing the unknown – and seeking assurances and
answers – bonds people like nothing else. All you have to do is first admit
what you don’t know.
5) What I Hear
You Saying Is: Ever wonder if someone has been listening to you? Be assured the person
speaking to you is. So here’s a way to keep the ideas flowing. Step back and
rephrase what someone says. In fact, vaguely distort or stray from it. This
offers two benefits. It implies that you’re engaged, increasing the likelihood
you’ll get more detail. It also helps you gauge the other person’s preparation,
reasoning, and seriousness. It’s a win-win for everyone.
6) I’m On It: You’re giving
your full attention. You’re saying, “Relax. Don’t worry about a thing.
I’ll see to it personally.” That response can disarm just about anyone. To
express a deeper commitment, use “You have my word.” This makes you more
accountable to someone, conveying that you’re on board and will make it happen…whatever
it takes.
7) How Else Can
I Help You: It takes guts
to speak up. People risk rejection, ridicule, or retaliation. Sure,
you’ve discussed one issue. Chances are, this was just a test balloon to
see how you’d react. This person probably wants to cover more; he’s just
hesitant to ask. Make it easy on him. Extend the proverbial “what can I do”
invitation to widen the conversation. And don’t be afraid to ask for help
occasionally, either. People love to lend a hand. It provides purpose. When
you’re humble and vulnerable, it humanizes you. It makes you one of them. And
people trust those with whom they can identify.
8) I’ve Got
Your Back: We’ve all made
big mistakes. When we’ve recognized the gravity, the same question
automatically pops up: “Am I getting fired for this?” It’s natural for
co-workers and reports to imagine worst case scenarios. In those times, step in
with a reassurance: “I’m not judging you. You’re going to get through this.
You’re not alone. We’ll figure this out together. It’s going to be OK.”
9) My Pleasure:
This subtle
reminder reinforces a key point. You’re here to help others. You have all the
time they need. And you’re happy to do it.
10) What If: Call it
whatever you want: Imagination, wonder, inspiration, or vision. It’s that “why
not” spirit that’s driven men and women to dream, create, and push limits. How
often do you channel this force to hit it off with others? When was the last
time you used a phrase like “How can we make this happen” or “Let’s try this
out?” Go ahead. Open the floor to everyone. Put every option on the table.
Don’t judge them based on budgetary, time, labor, or cultural considerations.
Sure, most ideas won’t be feasible or relevant. But you’re seeking that nugget
that makes your organization just a little more competitive and enjoyable. You
can find the means another time.
11) Let Me Play
Devil’s Advocate: Looking for a subtle way to critique? Turn the conversation into an
exercise where you’re a detached party performing a function: Poking holes in
the logic and plan of attack. Maybe you need to reel the other person back to
the big picture. Maybe you want to direct him towards missing pieces, pros and
cons, or alternatives. Either way, you use this strategy to stress test ideas
without making the process personal.
12) Let Me
Think About That: Yeah, it sounds like a cop out. And it is…sometimes. Fact is, we don’t
always have the authority or expertise to make decisions. This phrase buys you
time and breathing space. It intimates that you’re open-minded and the request
merits consideration. Then, set a date and time for follow up so the other
person knows you’re taking him serious.
13) Well Done: It’s a cliché,
no doubt. Sometimes, it isn’t enough just to say thanks. People want to know
what they did was great and why. They pour so much sweat and soul into their
projects. They need more than recognition that a task or goal was completed.
They need to know their work was special and had meaning to someone.
14) You’re
Right: Want to get
someone’s attention? Tell him that he’s right. Once you yield the high ground,
it’s much easier for the other party to swallow that the right plan and
sentiment can’t always overcome the absurdities and restraints we face every
day.
15) I
Understand: People have
such an innate desire to connect. They long to know they’re not alone,
seeking others who’ve been where they are – and have successfully made it
through. Helping someone doesn’t always involve making suggestions or calls. It
may just involve being there, paying attention to what a person has to say.
Most times, that’s enough to show you understand.
What phrases do
you use to make people feel more comfortable, motivated, and appreciated?
http://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffschmitt/2012/12/03/15-phrases-that-build-bridges-between-people/?utm_campaign=forbestwittersf&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social
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